Joel A. Sutherland

At the library where I work I interview Canadian children's authors for our bi-monthly magazine. The interviews consist of 5 really silly questions (hence the name). Unfortunately, I'm not a computer geek (it would make my life a heck of a lot easier if I were!), so I'm not able to post the interviews as they appeared in the newsletters with pictures of the authors and their books. However, the questions and answers are the important thing, so here they are!

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

Wow, I'm a little star-struck; you're a living legend and I grew up devouring your books. With 47 picture books, a handful of treasuries, a bucketful of online stories and a boatload of poems, you're certainly prolific. I don't really know where to begin, and look at that: I've wasted all the space I had for my first question without asking a question. Sorry.

This is 'star stuck,' not 'star struck.'

Having written so many books, you must be starting to run out of titles. Any regrets that you used up two titles for both Jonathan Cleaned Up – Then He Heard a Sound or Blackberry Subway Jam and Giant or Waiting for the Thursday Boat?

Yes, lots of regrets. I could have had two more books if I had saved those titles.

I once saw Joey on Friends cry when he read Love You Forever. Having emptied a box of tissues every time I've read it myself, I can safely assume that Joey's not the only one to shed a few tears on its pages. Do you have a secret deal with the Kleenex company?

How did you know about the Kleenex deal?? That is top secret!!! I get one Garbanzian Skwonk for every box of Kleenex that is sold.

I seem to recall that when I Have To Go! was originally released it had one more word in the title...the word sounded like the letter found between O and Q, it's associated with the number 1 and you wouldn't want to eat snow coloured by it. What happened?

It was originally just called Pee and then Annick Press changed it to Hold Everything and then Michael Martchenko changed it to I Have To Go! I am now working on a book called 100 Fun Things To Do With Moose Poo.

Many of your books, such as Thomas' Snowsuit and Stephanie's Ponytail, are named after real kids. Hypothetically, if I sent you $20 in the mail, is there any chance your next book will be Joel's Big Nose, and if not, how do I go about getting my hypothetical $20 back?

It costs $1,000,000.00 to get in a book. Nobody has ever offered me that, so it is just sort of luck that kids get in my books. If you send me $20, I am just going to keep it because you are a cheapo librarian and I found this picture of you on the internet:

Now grown up, Robert Munsch lives in Guelph, Ontario, although his mother says he never grew up and still acts like he's 6 years old. Robert insists that he acts like a very mature 6 year old. His books have earned him many accolades, legions of fans, and mountains of Garbanzian Skwonks.

interview by Joel A. Sutherland

interview by Joel A. Sutherland

You wrote your first book, This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall , when you were only 12 years old! When I was twelve I spent my days having soda pop chugging contests and daring friends to eat worms. What motivated the preteen Gordon to become a published author?

It was a school project. Our teacher, who was actually a track and field coach, gave us the rest of the year to write "a novel." It was February. I guess I took him more literally than my fellow students. At the time, I happened to be the class monitor for Scholastic Book Clubs, so I sent my manuscript to the address on the order forms. (You can also find this story in the dictionary, under "fluke.")

Your Island series ( Shipwreck, Survival, Escape ) is about a group of children who are stranded on a deserted island. That's a popular theme in entertainment these days, with Survivor , Lost , and Cast Away . In order to compete with those three, did you ever consider including an immunity idol volleyball named Wilson with mysterious numbers carved on it in one of your books?

There was some seriously lucky timing with Island . I started on the series in March, and Survivor debuted that summer. Cast Away came at Christmas. True, I never thought of the volleyball thing, but since my characters were shipwrecked as a group, they had no need of inanimate objects to hang out with. And I included something that Cast Away missed - using Ian's glasses to start a fire. Tom Hanks could have done that with Helen Hunt's locket thingy. It would have saved him a lot of hassle.

One of your book titles is doing the questioning for me: Why Did the Underwear Cross the Road?

To get to the other side, obviously. When it comes to motivation, undergarments are very similar to poultry. This is a known fact.

You've won many prestigious awards already, but I'd like to bequeath one more upon you: Best Book Title Ever, for Your Mummy Is a Nose Picker .

Thanks. The Nose Picker books never managed to garner the audience of some of my other titles (I wonder why), and I'm sure this award will go a long way to getting them the critical acclaim they deserve.

I love the cover of Born to Rock , featuring a baby sporting a mohawk. Have you seen the cover for your soon-to-be released book, Schooled , yet? If it's not too late, I think a picture of a school principal with goth dreadlocks would sell like hotcakes.

Born to Rock was the first time a publisher ever used my idea for a book cover, so I'm particularly proud of it. I'm also responsible for the peace sign in the Schooled cover, but not the overall design. Some higher-ups in the publishing hierarchy nixed the dredlocks, drat the luck. All the really cool ideas never see print.

Gordon Korman was born in Montreal, raised in Toronto, and now lives on Long Island, New York.

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

Typically I interview authors with many published books, but your first one has just been released. This is going to be a challenge for my brain, my mind and my head. Before you skip ahead (that would be cheating), how do you think I’ll fare?

Surely your brain and your mind are the same thing. I think you'll fare just fine – you'll have to do a lot less research than if I'd written twenty books. Think how few people will want to interview me then, "Well, I could interview Jeremy, but then I'd have to read, like, a million of his dumb books." This is easy, you only have to read one.

The book in question, Grumpy Bird, has been garnering such great advance praise that I felt it necessary to snag you before you became a famous gajillionaire. What do you plan on doing with your first gajillion?

At the moment I'm having a hard time imagining just how big a gajillion even is. It sounds like a lot more than twenty. Possibly even more than thirty. I promise I won't spend it all in the same place.

Bird wakes up grumpy: too grumpy to eat, play or even fly. In one of the first illustrations (below), the branch under his nest is roasting a marshmallow over the sun. Is he grumpy because he ran out of chocolate and graham crackers?

Have you ever tried roasting a marshmallow over the sun? It ain't easy! You'd be grumpy too.

In answer to a question on your website (www.jeremytankard.com), you say that you don’t own a TV. I’m confused. What do you point your furniture at?

You can point furniture at pretty much anything. You'd be surprised. Why, just the other day I pointed a sofa at someone just to help me make a point. And when a friend asked me where the bathroom was I used a coffee table to point the direction. It's much more effective than pointing with, say, your finger. I think you should try it sometime.

Back to books. You were the illustrator for a children’s non-fiction book, Procrastination: Deal with it all in good time. For the many fans of Bird and his mood swings, can you reassure us that you’re not a procrastinator and that a sequel is in the works?

Hey, I'm procrastinating right now as I type this! Bird is proving to be more popular than I would have dreamed. A sequel is indeed in the works, but I can't say too much about it at the moment as there isn't anything official to say. I can tell you about my next book though. It's called Me Hungry and will be available in Spring 2008 from Candlewick Press. In fact I'm pointing a lamp at it right now just to emphasize how I feel about it.

Jeremy Tankard is a Toronto-based, award-winning artist. His illustrations have appeared in publications such as The New York Times and Time Magazine. Grumpy Bird is his first book.

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

Not only do you write your own books, but you do your own illustrations as well! You're clearly a very talented multi-tasker; are you also your own editor, bookbinder and distributor?

Clearly, your conversation with K came close to causing a considerable commotion.

K is chronically cranky that his wonderful k-k-k-k sound is often created by the letter C. 

But his crummy complaint about my caring attention towards Z is just confusion. I love the K sound! He's the coolest! Why, he's been voted the funniest letter in the alphabet!

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

In Monster in the Mountain, Dylan’s parents want to take their son on a peaceful vacation. So they venture deep into BC’s Rocky Mountains, home of the Sasquatch. For their next getaway, might I suggest somewhere more run-of-the-mill, like Florida or, say, a nice B&B in Uxbridge?

Listen, I've been to Florida and I can tell you that's one spot that is far too scary for a respectable young Canadian lad like Dylan (George W. Bush's brother runs the place). And Uxbridge is out of the question as well. . .never have I been in a more terrifying area; there are suburbs sprouting up all over the place.

In Unusual Heroes I learned that Jean Chretien was the best street fighter in his town. Who would you pick to win a Royal Rumble between Stephen Harper, Sir John A. Macdonald, Pierre Trudeau and Kim Campbell?

I'd put big bucks on Campbell. Sir John was a brilliant guy but he might just get into the sauce and P.E.T. was far too flighty and would just want to argue anyway. So that leaves Harper and Campbell. Need I say more?

One of your books, The Great Farini, is a biography of a man who walked on a tightrope across Niagara Falls with a washtub strapped to his back, pausing in the middle to do his laundry. Besides risking life and limb to make my socks look their whitest, what do I have to do to be appointed The Great Joel?

Well, the Great Farini was wearing the costume of a washer-woman when he did the laundry act; later he dressed up his adopted son as a beautiful female acrobat and "she" became hugely famous, as "Lulu." So, cross-dressing might be where you would have to start.

Having written and co-produced Team Spirit, a CTV documentary about hockey, you must be an expert on the sport. So tell me, who’s your pick for the Stanley Cup this year: the Argos or the Raptors?

All right, smart guy, I see what you're doing. The Argos and the Raptors are NOT hockey teams! I am indeed a hockey genius, if I may say so myself. . .and I've got my money on the Jays.

I read somewhere that your next project is a series of books about the young Sherlock Holmes. I tried to find some information about this but I’m no, ahem, Sherlock Holmes. Can you fill us in?

Sherlock who? Never heard of him. . .my lips are sealed. . .though they may be unsealed in a few months. Keep your ear to the ground. . .Watson.

Shane Peacock is the renowned author of the Dylan Maples adventures, as well as the author of many other books, scripts, plays and articles. He lives near Cobourg, Ontario.

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

You have written and illustrated 5 books (such as Me and My Sister) and illustrated another 40! Tell me the truth: do you have a team of elves who work for you while you sleep?

Illustrating books is one of my passions. There is an incredible sense of excitement when I first begin a project and that feeling actually builds as the work progresses--a certain amount of momentum helps. I typically like 6 months to complete a book. I feel very fortunate to have been given the chance to illustrate so many beautiful stories. And yes, the elves are indispensable.

The title character in Clara and the Bossy loves three things: triangles, tuna and the colour purple. I’m more of a circle, chicken and green man myself, but I’m willing to try new things. Should I walk a mile in Clara’s shoes, or would you personally recommend some other shape, meat and colour combo?

Well, Clara and her friends are mostly a shoeless bunch so you'd be going barefoot which is my preferred state of footwear anyways. Speaking of feet, after doing about 1/4 of the paintings for Clara, my eldest daughter pointed out that I had the incorrect number of digits on all the guinea pig characters. Guinea pigs have 4 digits on the front paws and 3 on the back. I had painted them the opposite! Took me awhile to fix things, but the project was saved. As far as the rest of your question–yes, it's always fun trying new things! What about rhombus, rhinos and red?

As an illustrator, you have said that you use watercolour, ink, goauche, pencil or conte, depending on the mood of the book. Say your next book is feeling a little hyper, glum or gassy, which artistic instrument would you use?

Whether 'hyper', 'glum' or 'gassy', the best instrument an artist has is his or her imagination. My Spring 2007 book is called A Trip with Grandma. It's based on a trip my kids took with their Grandma a while back when my youngest had never been away from home yet without Mom and Dad. The snoring Grandma was real, but the dancing chickens and flying pig were definitely made up!

I’m really impressed with the extraordinary use of vowels in some of the titles of books you’ve illustrated, such as Aa-Choo! and Pegasus and Ooloo Mooloo (Wendy Orr), and Ooooo-Cha! (Colleen Sydor). . .Sorry, there’s not much of a question here, I’m just really impressed.

Me, too. 'Extraordinary' exactly describes some of the authors I've had the great fortune to work with. I've gotten the chance to create dino-like monsters for Sharon Jennings' No Monsters Here and the very unpredictable world inside chalk drawings for Hazel Hutchins' The Sidewalk Rescue--I love my job!

Your forthcoming book, The Couch Was a Castle, features a sofa which becomes a horse, a pirate ship and, naturally, a castle. With a little imagination, what could I turn the dust bunnies under my couch into?

Wouldn't touch the bunnies. I love bunnies. My kids have guinea pigs that look exactly like bunnies that have tucked in their ears and have kicked off their slippers and mitts. Stripe and Fluffy (the name of the guinea pigs, not my kids) are the inspiration for the guinea pig characters in The Couch was a Castle and Clara and the Bossy. Any wild guesses to why Stripe is called "Stripe" and Fluffy is called "Fluffy"?

Ruth Ohi has written and illustrated 45 books for young readers (but I’m sure she employs elves), winning many awards in the process. She lives in Toronto. The Ajax Library is pleased to be hosting a visit by Ruth Ohi on November 21.

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

Your first book, Puddleman, is about a kid who jumps in a sandbox, turns into a mud monster and then craves sandwiches. Any plans for a sequel, say, about a kid who jumps into a mudbox, turns into a sand monster and then craves mudwiches?

Aw, mannnn... Where are those suggestions when I need them? Except for eggplant, liver, and asparagus (did I spell that right? I hate it so much I never even read it), I am a big food fan. Instead of mud pies my next picture book is about how a little brother figures out a way to keep his snacks when his big sister starts hogging them. Pass the gravy.

In your popular Morgan series, such as Morgan Makes Magic, there is a character known as the Godzilla of Grade 3, who inspires fear in all her classmates. Were you terrorized as a child by bullies, perhaps nicknamed the King Kong of Grade 2 or the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man of JK?

Hey, back when I was in school there were tough guys who’d stayed in Grade 8 so long they were old enough to drive. I was never bullied, though. I was 9 feet tall and weighed 400 pounds, making me the biggest liar you ever saw.

I love The Kids From Monkey Mountain series (Two False Moves), and I’d love to live on a mountain named after an exotic animal. Is it a real place? Do you know of any other alliterative alps I could visit? Maybe Parrot Pinnacle or Scorpion Summit?

Monkey Mountain is a real place in my town. It’s a ravine that’s used as a short cut on the way to high school. Why is a hole in the ground called a mountain? That’s Port Hope for you. The cool part is no one knows how it got the name "Monkey" either. One legend has it that in the 1800s monkeys escaped from a travelling circus and hung out there in the woods. These days the only monkey business is whatever high schoolers get up to. (Don’t ask.) For your vacation I’d suggest Godzilla Gorge instead, for a monstrously good time.

Hope Springs a Leak and Sounding Off follow the adventures of Sam Foster in his small Canadian town, the fictional Hope Springs, which is filled with colourful inhabitants. Wait a minute. . .you live in a small Canadian town, the factual Port Hope, which is filled with colourful inhabitants. Is this just a crazy coincidence?

You promised not to tell. Except for the fact that they are exactly the same, Port Hope and Hope Springs have nothing in common. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Are you trying to get me in trouble with my neighbors or what? Say, I wonder what they’re up to...

You also write for a children’s non-fiction series, The Dreadful Truth, which examines Canadian history. The first two books, Confederation and Building a Railway, are quite fascinating and funny (with great illustrations to boot)... hardly dreadful at all! Do you have any plans to write another book in this series, and if so, can you promise that the subject matter will raise the dread quotient?

You want dread? You’ve got it. The next book in the series is a history of crime in Canada, bwah-ha-ha. It’s due out this September, and it’s stuffed with murderers, swindlers, robbers, rebels, people who stole door knockers and a couple of pirates. Read it if you dare.

Ted Staunton has written more than twenty five books for children and young adults, and has won numerous awards. He lives in Port Hope, Ontario. (Or is that Hope Springs?)

interviewed by Joel A. Sutherland

In your latest book, From Charlie's Point of View, the main character's dad is accused of bank robbery. Was this secretly inspired by true life events?

Absolutely. My Uncle Jim is currently doing ten years less a day for bank robbery. (He got the day taken off because he bowed to the judge and called her 'Miss.' She was flattered.)

If you had to have an alien live in your nose, like in The Nose From Jupiter, would you pick (pun intended) ET or Yoda?

I'd definitely go with Yoda -- a much better conversationalist. (Rhinitis, you have.) For me, though, the key question about an alien in my nose is: would Sigourney Weaver be there to help me deal with it?

If you were an alien, whose nose would you want to live in? Why?

It's getting scary out there. Everyone is getting smaller noses! Why don't celebrities build extensions? Big noses are cool, I tell you. I like a bit of room to stretch out in. What I'd LOVE is to move into Pinocchio's nose, and get him to tell me lies all day so I could fit in my sectional couch. It won't fit into my apartment now.

In Eugene's Story, Eugene makes his sister shrink and vanish so that he can finish telling his story without being interrupted. Do you have any special methods of dealing with obstacles to your writing?

My method for dealing with obstacles is to turn them into building blocks. If I break an egg, I make an omelet. If I break a dozen eggs, I make a big omelet and invite my friends.

You also wrote the very funny book, The Way To Schenectady. Do you have any other hard-to-pronounce titles in the works?

My next book is called Me & Death. I have NO idea how to pronounce '&.' Maybe 'hn' or 'uhn.' Maybe 'pn' like in pneumonia.

Richard Scrimger lives in Cobourg, Ontario. He has published ten books for young readers, all to rave reviews. Check one out today!